With a Broken Wing

I am literally blown away right now !! Honestly as I reflect back the last couple of months have been some of the hardest my family has gone through to this point and I Thank God for one day at a time because just reflecting I felt totally overwhelmed. One thing that I did unknowingly at first was to stop seeking Jesus .... I stopped declaring my love for Him and eventually I just felt like He wasn't even here anymore at all . I allowed myself to start worshiping idols . I consumed myself in my kids' relationships so much that some where along the way my own relationship with my husband began to unravel. Over the last 2 weeks just when I started to think things were going to get better all heck broke lose. My daughters' boyfriend was forced to breakup with her after 2 years and it hit our family like a wrecking ball . At first they were going to try and make it work just seeing each other at school but after 2 weeks that isn't working so once again heart break is wrecking our home .Our oldest daughter dates his brother and that relationship wasn't touched but boy have they felt the after effects from it. I struggled severely the first week because I felt so defeated and blamed and I even had a weak moment where I was leaving Paul because I was so consumed by the whole situation and I couldn't let it go no matter how hard I tried . But then something happened ..... At church last Sunday that sweet 16 year old girl who I have always thought to be one of the strongest people I have ever known went and fell on her knees at the alter and I watched helplessly as her whole body shook with sob after sob of just pure surrender. All of her anger and frustration and all the stubborn strength just left her body right there at the alter . It was then that I realized that I needed that ! I needed my relationship with Jesus back I needed to feel his arms wrapped around me again . I needed to cry like a little girl and beg Him to take it all away ..... The months and months of pain and grief and anger and all the chaos that had entered our home . So over the past week each day I start on my knees praying just talking to Jesus .... Praying over my family , praying over the boys and their family, praying over my marriage , praying over my church family that I have allowed myself to disconnect from, just praying. There's no doubt that this is all apart of Gods plan for our life during this season. I tried at first to seek understanding for why this was all happening but then I realized that a lot of Gods mysterious actions are because He wants us to trust Him with our entire life ! Every part of it . Not just the part people see but all of it ! This is been my go to verse for the last 2 weeks that has literally changed my life.

 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3:5‬ 

‭ That verse has taking on such a meaning for me that we spend so much time saying "I don't understand " when instead we should be saying "I don't need to understand. God I know you have this ." That has been so hard for me especially this past week, but today I turned on some amazing worship music and I just laid down on the couch and said Jesus I want to worship you now .. Not by singing (weird for me right)..... Not by watching ... But just closing my eyes and just listening and if you know me you know that I'm more of a talker than a listener , but for today I just wanted to listen ....... And slowly I started to feel like everything was going to be ok .... Not necessarily that my girls' situations were going to change and not that Paul could cut back on his overtime just yet, but just a peace that He was here and that it was going to be ok .... I even whispered Jesus I trust you ... And I meant it which is truly a miracle In itself. As I lay there almost to the point of dozing my phone rang and an absolute unexpected miracle took place that is going to help us financially in a way that I could never explain and all I could do was cry . You see we become so consumed with our circumstances that we forget that God is here He wants to wrap his arms around us . He wants to answer our prayers and He wants to move us forward in the plans that He has to grow us and prosper us , but He's the creator of peace not chaos so if we allow the enemy start speaking over the peace then we are asking for destruction . This verse has also helped me over the past week.

  1Peter 5:8 "Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." 


Satan wants nothing more than to attack our thoughts ,devour our relationships and especially our relationship with Jesus. I am so thankful for Gods grace, the moment I cried out to Jesus he wrapped me up in his mercy and Grace and I felt the forgiveness . I felt His Love . Unfortunately our human flesh doesn't give grace as easily as Jesus does and that was a huge eye opener for me in all this . I will not withhold grace from anyone after what I've experience with Jesus. The relationships that's have been affected over the past few weeks will eventually be repaired I will believe that , but what an incredible lesson this has been and there's still a lot of pain there's still separation but I can also see healing and for the first time in a while the noisy roaring thoughts that satan has been controlling in my head have subsided and I hear Gods voice so softly I can feel his presence and I know he's with me . I guess I still consider my self to be pretty weak and fragile I even laughed to myself and said Mrs Sparrow we just have a broken wing right now it'll be ok. I'm sad that our circumstances are what they are , but I am so thankful that as bad as things are and as much hurt as my girls are feeling right now Hope is being restored and my relationship with Jesus has been renewed . So now on His solid rock I will rest until my wing is healed and I am so excited for the future I have a new excitement for what Gods plans are for me .

Naked with No Shame week 2

Well here we are in week 2 already, and its also the start of a new year. I had everything that I wanted to say all journaled and marked and ready to share , but through some crazy turn of events and well, basically God having other plans this week has changed a bit. Notice how I said I had it all ready ,all journaled , I....I...I and everything I wanted to share. Ha isn't that the way we women work. We have to be in complete control ...we know whats best. Well , this morning as I was reading in Genesis 3 ... verses 4 and 5 were all but jumping off the page at me.Of course, I kept scrolling past to find the "perfect" verse that would fit with what I wanted to say , but I just kept going back to those verses haha.... like they had some kindof magnetic pull or something. GENESIS 3:4-5 The serpent told the woman,"You won't die." God knows that the moment you eat from that tree, you'll see whats really going on.You'll be just like God, knowing everything,ranging all the way from good to evil." This is how I translated that conversation .... "ok lady you wanna be in control? You wanna have the last say? You wanna wear the pants or in her situation the fig leaves? Eat from the tree you take charge ... You will know everything !!! You don't need God or man telling you anything you are woman!!!! eat that fruit and roar !!!! WAIT ! Isn't that still us today??? oh yes ladies that serpent is still out there creeping around in our ears in the form of so many different insecurietes, fears, envy, addictions.......He is everywhere and we are still eagerly accepting his evil donations of disobedience and temptations. Although I completed the 30 day challenge I have been very quick to notice that there are days when I find it very difficult to stay on course with being the wife that the bible speaks of ..... Honestly some days its down right impossible. Ha ! lets take today for example .... My words today have been uncontrollable and hurtful towards my husband ... Not at all like the challenge speaks of on day 5 ...... Day 5 is apprpriately named "whats on your tongue" ? and here is the verse : "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." —Ephesians 4:29 Wow !!! that was a slap in the face to me today and it really got me thinking about The verse above from Genesis.... I just wonder how Adam and Eve handled their new found scolding from God with each other.... Ha ! I bet there was some serious nagging and finger pointing going on !!!! When I think about arguments today between husband and wife ... the word thrashing, door slamming ,going to bed mad arguments I can't help but to wonder what was said between our first ever married couple and come on ladies don't tell me they just kissed and hugged and said ooops after they were banished from the Garden of Eden ..... remember satan just gave Eve the excuse to take over and wear the pants ........ I bet there was more than one moment she wished that she was still naked and enjoying the amazing feeling of no shame. I have to be completely honest with you when I say I really don't know where I am going with week 2 except for to say that I really felt the tug on my heart today to slow down and listen. How often to we just listen ladies??? I don't think I can count on 2 hands how many times Paul has said that to me " why don't you listen Heidi." and the answer is simple ..... Why don't I??? I mean really its biblical "Be quick to hear, slow to speak." —James 1:19 You know whats funny??? Its not just our husbands that applies too ladies..... How often are we in such a hurry to get "our" plans on track that we don't , not even for a second Listen to what God is telling us... Why should we right ? we got this ... I mean we take a huge bite of the forbidden fruit every time we sharp tongue talk our husbands or directly ignore his suggestion or even question what being submissive intels.... When we are perposley rebelling against our husband because we wont to be in control than we are perposely disobeying God. Check this out ladies !!! "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord." Ephesians 5:22 "Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives." 1 Peter 3:1 "Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord."Collosians 3:18 Hey Ladies , I Think God wants us to submit to our husbands!! Its pretty obvious! How can we listen to and be obedient to God on the plans he has for our dreams and our lives when we can't be obedient to husband that God has given us to love , honor , and respect? I feel like this had been alot hahaha ! so get ready for a busy week ahead :) I encourage you to look over these verses this week, every one has been so impactfull to me so I encourage you really dig deep into the meanings of them!! Mine will certainly be James 1 :19 .... I need to be quick to hear. I want to hear Paul's voice and I want to completely honor him , but i especially want to be able to hear Gods voice. I hope you ladies have an incredible week and remember in order to be Naked with no shame we have to be able to hear Gods voice and respond to Him completely naked with our whole hearts ! All in !!! I want to pray tonight "God you already know every persons name who will read tonight's blog before I even post it . I pray God that the words that you have given me will be impactfull. i thank you God for the courage to be bold , to be naked and unashamed. I pray God that over these next 52 weeks someones marriage will be repaired and our hearts will be made new. I love you Lord..... Amen

Naked and Not Ashamed... week 1

Genesis 2: 5-7 At the time God made Earth and Heaven, before any grasses or shrubs had sprouted from the ground—God hadn’t yet sent rain on Earth, nor was there anyone around to work the ground (the whole Earth was watered by underground springs)—God formed Man out of dirt from the ground and blew into his nostrils the breath of life. The Man came alive—a living soul! Genesis 2: 23-25 The Man said, “Finally! Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh! Name her Woman for she was made from Man.” Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and embraces his wife. They become one flesh. The two of them, the Man and his Wife, were naked, but they felt no shame. About 6 weeks ago I completed what was suppose to be a 30 day husband challenge. The challenge actually took me 214 days to complete with the last day leaving me wanting more. You see when I started this challenge, I was trying to change my husband. I was trying to help him become the leader that God intended him to be. I felt like that by starting this challenge I could maybe come across the right words and actions to help guide him into this role without very much nagging or controlling that has NOT been working for years. What I discovered is that through this challenge God has changed me completely. What I found every time I started a new day was a new challenge would cause me to dig deeper into that daily scripture and I would start to notice that many of the flaws I found in my husband were bigger in my own self and by praying and spending time in Gods word and meditating on every word in the challenge I began to see my flaws being repaired which in return caused my husband's flaws to be much smaller and sometimes non exsistant. I have prayed about sharing my experience with this challenge and the things that I have learned. And the thing that keeps coming to my mind over and over is Genesis 2: 25 The two of them, the Man and his Wife, were naked, but they felt no shame. It has been so hard for me to put into words how hard those words hit me...... They were naked and felt no shame..... wait read that again ..... They were NAKED and felt NO SHAME.... I have to be honest I checked several versions to make sure that there was no typo in the bible!!!! You never hear the words naked and no shame in the same sentence! I was so intrigued when I read this that I really started looking deeper into what that meant I mean think about it, Ladies be honest with yourself here ... How many of you can look at yourselves inside and out and say I have been naked with no shame ? By naked I don't necessarily mean physically; but emotionally as well. have you ever been completely transparent with things that you have been hiding for years and felt no shame? This simple phrase in the very first book in the bible absolutely wrecked my life and I want to share with you over this next year about my journey ..... What God has shown me through a simple 30 day challenge .... once a week for the next 52 weeks I want to share with you how to be Naked and Not Ashamed. I also want to encourage you sit down with God , what is that one area that you cannot no matter what overcome? What does God want you to see through this struggle? Can you strip down to pure Nakedness in this struggle and not feel shame? I believe you can and I can't wait to start this journey together. I never ever thought that reading in Genesis would ever show me things that would cause me to look at my own behavior, Especially in the area of my marriage. I don't want to jump ahead too far , but to complete this week by saying this . WE, I, WOMAN, WIFE were created out of man's rib. He was created first .... I do not have to repeat that one to know that many women right now are sucking teeth. Believe me I did too ! But its true .. Genesis 2:21-22 God put the Man into a deep sleep. As he slept he removed one of his ribs and replaced it with flesh. God then used the rib that he had taken from the Man to make Woman and presented her to the Man... Ok before you slam the lid on your lap top .... think about this .... not only were we created to be man's companion but we were also created by God .... "I love where it says that God presented her to the man." WoW!!!! presented her ..... this means that God has created something special ...perhaps a "Masterpiece" Its True !!!! look what the bible says "For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." (Ephesians 2:10 NLT) 
 I love that this goes so well with being unashamed. God would not have presented something to Man , His own creation that He was ashamed of ... NO!!!! when you present something to someone you are gifting them something you are proud of. Ladies the shame that you are living with right now while reading this is a lie straight from the pits of Hell. God created you naked with NO shame. A beautiful masterpiece that is worthy of being presented. I challenge you this week to read Genesis 2. Look deep into your own life. Ask yourself the hard questions ..... Are you behaving like the masterpiece that you are? Are you the wife to your husband that God intended? Are you willing to be naked with no shame? I am so excited to hear from you ladies.... look me up on facebook and I will look forward to sharing again next week. Have an incredible week !

Which Razor do I choose...........

             Have you ever found yourself in the middle of the razor isle at Walmart???  OK well let me just tell you its a scary place that's for sure! There seems to be thousands of razors all promising to work a different miracle on your unwanted body hair. Each one a different shape or color some even with built in shaving cream. Its crazy to think that someone somewhere  in a lab spends countless hours focusing on something as small as a razor, and its probably a really big deal that theirs stand out from all the rest. I mean theres alot of different types of body hair in this world and to think that you have to try and invent a razor that does it all, leave a clean shave, moisturize, smoothing , soothing and the list goes on . I cant even begin to imagine trying to do it. I mean just with my 5 ft 1in self sometimes I think I'm going to need a weed eater because I've gone without shaving my legs for so long so it blows my mind when i think about it , which explains in case anyone that knows me is wondering why I spend so much time in Walmart ! So last night when it occurred to me that I might be showing some leg this weekend I immediately started thinking about taking that trip to the razor isle and it made me start thinking how those razors seem small and insignificant until you need to use one and then they become pretty important and as silly as it may sound thinking about a razor triggered a thought that I sometimes view my relationship with Jesus the same way and it sent some scary chills through me . I mean just like the makers of the razors our Creator cares about every single detail. He crafted us with the most precious organs , I mean really think for a minute just how significant your heart is. pumping consistently throughout your body at an average beat per minute because your blood flow is such a vital part of your daily living. It pumps just the right about of oxygen at just the right time to keep all of your other parts working properly. Its really a big deal but just like those razors we don't think about how important it is until something happens and we realize we really need it. The gifts and talents that our creator gave each one of us  are usually treated the same way. I mean He carefully chose what your unique gift would be paired it with your unique personality and Wa La when used together they could really make a tremendous difference in not only your own life but someone elses too. But just like those razors until we know for sure that our personality traits or gifts are going to be used to benefit us in the way we want them too we do not dare use them together or separate. I think sometimes its easier to try and be someone your not to fit in and you know it may even work for a while, but just like a woman using a mans razor its destined for doom!! God intends us to be who HE created us to be and even more than that because HE so carefully created YOU he will not give up on you. He will constantly allow you to go through situations that may not be comfortable for you but He Loves you and He wants you to be YOU !

 So now that I have probably reminded you that your legs and pits need shaving :) Let me also remind you how unique you are ! Think about this ! You are totally different from anyone else. God could have made us all exactly the same! That would have been so much easier for Him I'm sure but He loves us all so much that He wanted us all to have our own unique qualities ! He made YOU for a reason! I want to challenge you to think about that today ! How could your gifts be used today to bring our amazing Creator glory . Just like when a manufactoror knows his razor is being sold and used God wants the same from us. He wants to know that each gift or personality or talent that He so carefully placed in us is being used . Dont worry about what other people think what really counts in the end is that YOU are who YOU were created to be...... ............

oh and for the record.......I love the Oceana Venus razor :)

Psalm:139:14  I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well

Joy down in my heart to Stay

   When I was a little girl I used to sing ...." I've got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart ....where? down in my heart....... where? down in my heart to stay."It was one of my most favorite songs . I don't think I ever thought about the massive impact those words would have on me as an adult, and the questions just thinking those words now bring up.
     
         A friend of mine encouraged me last year to choose a word.....One word that could be a marker for my life for the year to come. A word that I would soon learn that would help me get into my bible more. A word that no doubt assisted in a lot of decisions that I made and ultimately played a huge role in changing my life. My word last year was DREAM .... and it was the perfect word ! God had planted a dream in me to not only sing His praises and to learn what it means to worship ,but He also gave me a passion for sharing that dream with others . I never pictured myself being part of an amazing band leading worship every Sunday but God knew His plans for me and when you are obedient to His plans for your life ,things will happen that you never dreamed of . I am definitely proof of that and I am so Thankful that God reveals our passions and our dreams to us , but He also reveals stuff that we would rather stay hidden. Things we struggle with and self struggles that we don't want others to see for fear of them not approving or fear that no one will want to be around you , or fear that no one will understand you ,or fear of not fitting in. God reveals them to us to bring them to the surface where they can be recognized and dealt with God wants us to grow in Him. He wants us to share our struggles with others so that they to can grow in a relationship with Him. . The enemy Ha ! well that's a whole other issue Satan wants you to keep them hidden in the dark to eat away at you and cause you to fear and worry  so that you don't put your full trust in Gods plans. Satan doesn't want Gods kingdom to grow. He doesn't want us to use our gifts and talents to bring God glory. He wants us to live in fear ,in distrust , he wants us to seek out self gratification from each other knowing full well that humans will eventually  fail each other .
            I have learned over the past year that as humans and I speak totally for myself we continuously underestimate the power that God has and I know for me I feel so undeserving of any of that great power,and for that reason I tend to seek approval of other humans instead of trying to please God. That is where this years word comes into play. Even after all the great things God did in my life in 2012 . I am so quick to pull out the negative things and I am constantly seeking approval of others every single day it seems like and let me just tell you that can be exhausting and not to mention heart shattering when you don't hear what you think you need to. Because of this approval addiction I am in a constant struggle with finding  Joy in almost any situation. When I think back to the past year and all that God has done for me and my family , my husband, my girls ,and even my parents I should be overwhelmed with Joy . WoW !!! God has really changed lives of the people I love the most and it is freaking amazing but instead of letting the Joy take over I am quick to let the enemy in and remind me of all the flaws that I have that my family still has and its a slow destructive pattern that repeats itself . My heart feels empty, no joy ,no excitement about prayers that God has answered, Dreams that have come true; just a cup half empty.
            Here's the thing about having a relationship with Jesus and I think another friend said it best when she said He will illuminate and then eliminate . You see Jesus is my best friend I can go to him every time I am struggling with Joy or with pain or with dissatisfaction and he reveals the truth to me every time, and over these past few weeks boy has He been honest . I have a serious approval addiction issue . He reminds me that He is greater and He has more knowledge about my situation than any other person I know could ever have. God created me He knows me inside and out so why is it so hard to give Him my issues instead of seeking others approval.   I love what Psalms 139 verses 1 and 2 says ,

"O Lord you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise: You perceive my thoughts from afar."

I Love that God knows me and this year as I take a journey with the word JOY .I am excited to have another layer of who I used to be peeled away, another part of my old life eliminated because I am a new life in Christ and in order to fully find JOY  I have to learn that I don't need approval from others ,I don't need to work so hard to please others. God made me who I am for a reason . I don't need to work so hard on being perfect for others. WOW ! God has taught me in one year things that I would have loved to had for an entire lifetime. How to worship and  what that means . He has taught me how to love really love no matter the circumstances, But what I've learned this past year more than anything and that I will continue to strive for ..for years to come  is that I want people to see Jesus in my life completely. The way that I live , in my words in my actions and in order to do that I am surrendering all of myself to Jesus. in 2013 I want to have a heart full of JOY  and as an adult I will sing Ive got the Joy Joy Joy Joy down in my heart ....where? down in my heart......where? down in my heart ,,,and I'm so happy so very happy I have the love of Jesus in my heart.... and I'm so happy so very Happy I have the love of Jesus in my heart and I will mean every word of it !


2 Corinthians 5:17
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation ;the old has gone,the new has come."

Romans 15:13

^" May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Psalm 30:12

 "that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent.
    Lord my God, I will praise you forever."

Lies !! That's Why !!!

   " Feeling like I'm not good enough, will my friends stay, am I good enough at being a wife ...a mother, I don't measure up to the ladies in my life group, I have a passion for speaking to women but do I have my own act together, why do I have issues maintaining a healthy weight,I love to sing but I have to work hard at it so do I deserve to be doing it ? I love my job ,but am I compassionate enough to be doing it ?"


              A friend challenged me the other day . she told me to list all my fears , but after just the few that I wrote above I was extremely overwhelmed. Am I afraid of rejection? well obviously ! Ha! but why? I have an amazing family , a home ,wonderful friends, an amazing job and so much more. So why do I constantly live in fear of rejection? Lies that's why ! satan doesn't want to see us prosper and grow in Christ. He don't want to see us sharing God's love and leading people to God . He is an expert at getting us to believe this crap that he feels our heads with. What aggravates me is how easily he succeeds.
              God wants us to live in Freedom with Him. Look at what Galations 5:1 tells us :
"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. "(Galatians 5:1)

            Scripture is very clear that God does not want us to be a slave to satan's lies. God places people in our lives and He gives us His word through scripture to remind us constantly of His love. I truly believe with all my heart that God uses a friend's words as a tool. especially when they speak truth into your life. God's truth !! But what I have learned is that without staying in God's word, we allow satan to convince us that what we are hearing may not be true. He causes us to doubt ourselves and our ability and therefore the fear of rejection starts to set in . What scares me the most about that is if I sit back and allow fear to take over than I am allowing it to hinder my growth , my friendships,and  even worse, am I going to allow it to affect my relationship with Jesus???


          Here's the kicker ! when I allow  satan to stump my growth with his lies that I'm not good enough to live out the dreams that God has entrusted to me that He gave me a passion for ,its like I'm telling God that I don't trust Him and the plans he has for me. But God clearly says in His word that He has my back. He already knows the path He needs me to follow before I do. He gives me all the markers I will ever need to stay on track and  In being obedient ,in staying in His word  and by realizing that satan's lies are just that ....LIES. How can I possibly let lies like fears of rejection take over my mind? How could I possibly not feel wanted,needed,loved? The creator of the universe predestined my life before I was even born !! When I focus on that truth satan's lies don't have a chance !!!
Here's what Jeremiah 29:11 says .......
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

     

          

Learning to be me: "That tea is too sweet"

Learning to be me: "That tea is too sweet":               On my days off I enjoy taking my daughter's to school. It's always an adventure of some sort and today was certainly n...