Struggling !! Why?

        I have been struggling over the past few days over how to write about personal difficult struggles without compromising personal situations, and this morning I woke up with an amazing new insight on my life and my abilities. It was like a breath of fresh air. It is truly amazing how clearly  God will speak to you when you clear out all the other noise in your head. We completed a Life Group last night called "Redifining Me"that is meant for teen girls but I took so much from it that truly helped me in the way that I pray and the way that live my everyday life. Last night was about dreams and about  clearing out the noise in our lives and being able to hear God clearly to be able to suceed in reaching the dreams that God gives us.After I got home I couldn't stop thinking about the things that we talked about .Little did I know that God had used that time of devotion and sharing with teenage girls and ladies to help me clear out the noise so that I could hear him more clearly.
        For quiet some time now I have been struggling with something that I couldn't understand and I have never been able to completely give it to God. I would say take it Lord but I never fully meant it . I still held onto that struggle and even up until last night while at Holly's for our life group I let this struggle consume me.So that is what I wanted to talk about ,STRUGGLES . Everyone has struggles with something . Whether its their children or their weight ,their job, their spouses,etc..etc..etc..  If we are not careful we can allow our struggles to consume us with Fear , anger, depression . I have honestly gotten to the point where my struggles has caused me to be so depressed that I quit . I quit church,I quit God, I quit everything. I honestly don't know sometimes why God forgave me for using the word I quit at him, but he did and he will you to.
        This morning when I woke up I went straight to scripture. I felt so refreshed even though my struggle has beeen pulling me down and holding me back for so long I had this amzing refreshing feeling like God was saying "Its ok ,You called me your Trusting me ,Let me have it I will show you that you will be ok ". and then I found this :
"Do Not Fear for I am with you; Do not look anxiously about you,for I am your God. I will strengthen you,surely I will help you,surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Ok first of all let me just say WOW ! now let me explain something. Last night at our life group Holly talked about God showing her scripture to help her understand what he had instore for her. My first thought was this. "I have prayed and prayed and prayed about my situation but God has not showed me anything. There is NO answer for my struggle." YES I really thought that , but heres the problem with that. I never gave God the chance to show me. I had sooo much NOISE in my life because of my struggle that I couldn't hear God. So when we prayed together at the end of our session. I just weakly gave it to Him! I humbled myself and just prayed "TAKE IT GOD ,clear the noise and take it . And He did ! Heres's the thing my situation has not gone away but its not mine anymore. I don't have to Fear  or look around anxiously like I have for sooo long worried about what people think or tried to hide my situation. He took it so that I could focus my attention on His will for me . "Now to him that is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think,according to the power that works within us ." Ephesians 3:20
 I believe he has a plan for each of us but we can't hear what he is saying or leading us to do until all the Noise is gone  and we allow him to take our struggles. I want to say a special thank you to all the girls of "Redefining Me ". You ladies are truly refreshing and I can't wait to see how God works through all of you and to Holly for just being an  amazing person. God has given  her an amazing gift of encouragement that has truly inspired me almost every day for months now.I honestly don't know what God has planned for me but I will be ready when He speaks to listen and to be obedient . I pray that if your reading this that you do the same if your struggling with something that has consumed you and you feel you can't hear him . Its probably because you have too much that you are trying to handle on your own. All you have to do is hit your knees and let God have it fully . It WILL make a difference! Let GOD make a difference in YOU today.

Ok God I'll do it !!(Understanding the importance of Obedience)

   I have to say that since my last entry a couple of weeks ago I have tried to blog atleast 10 times. I would sit down in front of the computer and NOTHING would come out! Unfortunetly I know and understand why completely! You see I have felt like God has wanted me to write about certain things that I am not comfortable with and well I have refused to do it. I mean I didn't just say um No God not today I'm not really ready to fully go into detail about that right now. I said flat out No God ! I could start naming hundreds of reasons why I don't want to blog about certain aspects of my life."My husband might read this",or "what will people think of me". I could go on and on but no excuses I just said No. Well needless to say God had other plans. I could not come up with anything to write about NOTTA! I have to tell you the truth atfirst I thought it was hilarious. I was like ok God good sense of humor there make my mind blank I'm still not doing it, but then thngs changed.
    This week I have had the flu. wait a minute I know what your thinking "shes gonna blame getting sick on God ." Nope not at all I blame getting sick on germs and kids . If my girls catch something I know I am going to be next it never fails. It's what happened while I have been sick that have changed things. You see I have been so weak and in pain and really just alone feeling because I have been restricted to my bed by myself and I realized that I was also feeling that way in my heart . You see by being disobedient I was seperating myself from God's will and I just felt so weak and powerless for the first time in a while and even  though I knew God was right there with me I couldn't feel him and I have to tell you that since I have been really following Him that is the lonliest I have felt and I don't ever want to feel that way again,so it was at that moment that I realized I didn't want to ignore him anymore about this blog . I said I will suck it up and write. I just want to be obedient and then I came across this verse
Romans5:19 : "For as by one man's disobedience the many were made sinners,even so through the obedience of the One the many will be made righteous." 
     I started thinking about Jesus and how he didn't have to hang on that cross and suffer at anytime he could've said No Father I will not do this ! But he didn't ! He died to SAVE us ! How many times have we said NO ? I can't even begin to tell you that number for me, hundreds maybe ! So in the next few days I am going to begin to blog about the challenges and struggles that I beleive many women and probably even some men are dealing with. I feel like God is leading me through this and that he is going to be holding my hand every step of the way . One thing I want to say is some things may be controversial and the last thing I want to do is offend people but I am going to write the truth. Some friends of mine turned me on to watching Newspring  Church and Perry Noble on the computer and now I know that was no accident God knew exactly what he was doing.Perry is about the most honest straight forward person you will ever listen to . I am not good at confrontations so I try so hard to make everyone happy . I can't stand the thought of someone being upset with me. so therefore alot of time I hold stuff in and sometimes I think why did I do that this person may have needed to hear that but I dont say anything and I get so upset at myself ! So I have several note books with all these thoughts and wishes and dreams that have never even been given a chance because I have always been afraid of what some one would say or think and now thats all about to change ! I Thank God for the changes that he has made in me and now I am ready to share that with the world! After all God did gift me with this big mouth so i'm gonna use it !! :) Stay Tuned..... Love,Heidi

Psalm 89:1   I will sing of the mercies of the Lord for ever: with my mouth will I make known thy faithfulness to all generations.

Mirror Mirror ....

 Over the past few weeks I have been attending a Life Group with my daughter's called "Redifining Me". It has had an amazing impact on my life as a mother,wife and as a child of God. This week the theme was Mirror Mirror on the wall. When Holly first announced the theme a couple of weeks ago I was HORRIFIED ! My entire life  the mirror has been an enemy of mine . As a young girl I dealt with what I was so commonly called  4-eyes.I had this big bushy hair and huge pink and blue glasses. I hated looking in the mirror. I always used to wonder why my Mom always called me beautiful . I thought she just has to say that.There was nothing beautiful about me I thought.So even beginning to figure out what I was going to say when Wednesday finally got here was stressful to think about. 
     My two favorite fairy Tales have always been SnowWhite and Beauty and the Beast . The ironic thing is they both involve a mirror. Snow White  had the ugly step mother who always seen herself as beautiful in the mirror ,which is the opposite of how I feel looking in the mirror. But Belle always seen suffering in the mirror . THAT WAS ME! I can look in the mirror and go way beyond just my appearance .I can see the pain and suffering that have been imbedded inside me for years.
      Here is the cool part ! On my way to my to the Life group I began to get flooded with all these feelings that were overwhelming me at first until I started praying . I ask God to help me to slow down my thoughts and put them into perspective because I knew that God was answering my prayers in that moment about how to hanmdle the theme that night. The first word that came to my mind was EMPOWERMENT. I thought WOW thats it. God you have EMPOWERED me to overcome not just my insecurities when I look in the mirror but also you have given me the POWER to use to these insecurities to share with these girls tonight that all those years ago it wasn't just my Mom saying that I was Beautiful but she really meant it just like you do! I am your creation your masterpiece your princess.
 Proverbs 31:25" Strength and dignity are her clothing and she smiles at the future." 

Those words are not the description of an ugly woman ! This is the desciption of an EMPOWERED woman.
So heres my challenge for myself and others . Next time you look in the mirror SMILE and take a deep breath to allow the strength that GOD has given us to rise up through us and show through our faces and know that you are BEAUTIFUL because GOD made you that way and he wants you to share that with the World . You can be a world changer. He has made us all different for a reason. So that he can impact the world through us all in different ways. Whether its your Smile ,your personality,your gifts to encourage people. Some one out there will be impacted by you because when they see you they see themselves maybe not as confident or secure . maybe just maybe you can be their MIRROR !

Have a Blessed day! Remember BEAUTIFUL God loves you very much!