Ok God I'll do it !!(Understanding the importance of Obedience)

   I have to say that since my last entry a couple of weeks ago I have tried to blog atleast 10 times. I would sit down in front of the computer and NOTHING would come out! Unfortunetly I know and understand why completely! You see I have felt like God has wanted me to write about certain things that I am not comfortable with and well I have refused to do it. I mean I didn't just say um No God not today I'm not really ready to fully go into detail about that right now. I said flat out No God ! I could start naming hundreds of reasons why I don't want to blog about certain aspects of my life."My husband might read this",or "what will people think of me". I could go on and on but no excuses I just said No. Well needless to say God had other plans. I could not come up with anything to write about NOTTA! I have to tell you the truth atfirst I thought it was hilarious. I was like ok God good sense of humor there make my mind blank I'm still not doing it, but then thngs changed.
    This week I have had the flu. wait a minute I know what your thinking "shes gonna blame getting sick on God ." Nope not at all I blame getting sick on germs and kids . If my girls catch something I know I am going to be next it never fails. It's what happened while I have been sick that have changed things. You see I have been so weak and in pain and really just alone feeling because I have been restricted to my bed by myself and I realized that I was also feeling that way in my heart . You see by being disobedient I was seperating myself from God's will and I just felt so weak and powerless for the first time in a while and even  though I knew God was right there with me I couldn't feel him and I have to tell you that since I have been really following Him that is the lonliest I have felt and I don't ever want to feel that way again,so it was at that moment that I realized I didn't want to ignore him anymore about this blog . I said I will suck it up and write. I just want to be obedient and then I came across this verse
Romans5:19 : "For as by one man's disobedience the many were made sinners,even so through the obedience of the One the many will be made righteous." 
     I started thinking about Jesus and how he didn't have to hang on that cross and suffer at anytime he could've said No Father I will not do this ! But he didn't ! He died to SAVE us ! How many times have we said NO ? I can't even begin to tell you that number for me, hundreds maybe ! So in the next few days I am going to begin to blog about the challenges and struggles that I beleive many women and probably even some men are dealing with. I feel like God is leading me through this and that he is going to be holding my hand every step of the way . One thing I want to say is some things may be controversial and the last thing I want to do is offend people but I am going to write the truth. Some friends of mine turned me on to watching Newspring  Church and Perry Noble on the computer and now I know that was no accident God knew exactly what he was doing.Perry is about the most honest straight forward person you will ever listen to . I am not good at confrontations so I try so hard to make everyone happy . I can't stand the thought of someone being upset with me. so therefore alot of time I hold stuff in and sometimes I think why did I do that this person may have needed to hear that but I dont say anything and I get so upset at myself ! So I have several note books with all these thoughts and wishes and dreams that have never even been given a chance because I have always been afraid of what some one would say or think and now thats all about to change ! I Thank God for the changes that he has made in me and now I am ready to share that with the world! After all God did gift me with this big mouth so i'm gonna use it !! :) Stay Tuned..... Love,Heidi

Psalm 89:1   I will sing of the mercies of the Lord for ever: with my mouth will I make known thy faithfulness to all generations.