More from the Heart

              Do you ever wonder why you are placed in certain situations? Well that was dumb of course you do . Ha! Women spend 90% of our time wondering about that kind of stuff! We ask ourselves... Why me? What did I do to deserve this? What was I thinking? Well I could go on and on ,but I think you get the idea.And its so funny it could be for good or bad reasons. For instance when nothing is going our way we're like why me? why can't I get a break? but then when everything seems to be going right we're like wow what did I do to deserve this? this shouldn't be happening to me. Ha! we're never satisfied are we?
            I have tried over the past few months to have a different view about questioning why things happen when and why they do.While preparing to speak to women at a recent event, I started to write down situations that I had been through in my lifetime that stood out in my mind, and as I started to write I began to realize how they all began to connect kind of like playing dot to dot. I have to be honest it kind of weirded me out at first but then I was like wow God placed me in certain situations throughout my lifetime. I think sometimes we forget that God already knows what when how where and why long before we do. He knows where he wants us to end up and why . He already has a plan for us. I didn't understand that for the longest time and to be honest I really still don't know exactly what that plan is, but what I have learned is that being obedient is very important in my walk with Jesus.If your like I was not long ago, your probably saying "OK Heidi how the heck do I do that? How do I know if  I'm being obedient or not?" Trust me I have ask those same questions A LOT and here's what I have learned. For me it started with forgetting what I thought was the "correct" way to pray and I started talking to God whenever I needed to and believe me I need to alot. I also started to read my bible and you know what? This was hard. I didn't understand one word of it I didn't know where to start. I would hear people tell how they would open their bible and be right on the page they were suppose to be on so I tried that . Didn't work! Ha ! I would even close it ,close my eyes real tight pray please show me what to read and open it back real quick as if to see a special verse jump off the page at me! That didn't work either! So I subscribed to a daily devotion by Proverbs 31 ministries and that at first only made me more confused because their bible verses didn't match mine and I had always been taught to only use the King James Bible, so that for me only made connecting with Jesus even more difficult. But I continued to read those devotions and I eventually made the trip to Lifeway and ask the sales clerk to help me. I explained my situation to her and then I braced myself and waited on her to call me stupid and tell me to stick to my own bible and eventually I would figure it all out,but she didn't ! She smiled at me and said I will be happy to help you she gave me a guide that showed me what the differences in certain versions were and helped me choose the right one for me.That made all the difference in the world! Reading my bible quickly became a very important part of my life! Obeying scripture was the next thing I began to do and probably the hardest thing I have ever done in my life! But I did it! Yes ladies I began to submit to my husband and No I wasn't happy about it (and I times I still have a major issue with this one.)But hard as it may be it was being obedient and it was an important step in developing not only my relationship with Jesus, but redeveloping my relationship with my husband as well. 
           
                    It was in doing these things that I slowly started to feel at peace with a lot of situations that I would have before struggled with. I found myself asking the why me? questions a lot less and I am beginning to connect the dots and I am starting to understand that passions and dreams that I never knew about are starting to surface and old dreams that were all about me are starting to die.God is using me in ways I never even imagined. I know that I am a work in progress and I know that I have a long way to go yet. But I have something now that I never had before and it is a constant feeling that God is always with me and sometimes when I begin to ask why me Lord? I stop and rethink my question. The why me becomes" How can I use this situation to bring You Glory Lord " ?  And that my friends is the right question, He will begin to equip you with resources and strength you never even knew possible. And its in that moment that you realize that it is so much more fulfilling to forget about the" why me's" and turn those words into "use me". I hope everyone has a very Happy Thanksgiving and hopefully we'll talk again soon!!

   Love, Heidi

Here are a few verses that I refer to that may be helpful........
Ephesians 5:22-24 (NLT

Proverbs 11 verse 28: (The Message) A life devoted to things is a dead life, a stump; a God-shaped life is a flourishing tree.

 

Jeremiah 29 verse 11: (NIV) 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'

" For I can do everything through Christ,who gives me strength." Philippians's 4:13

Matters of the Heart

             While looking through my blogs this morning, I found this draft that I started sometime ago. This was a journal entry really that I never intended on sharing with anyone, but this past Saturday night I was given the opportunity to speak to a group of women. I am NOT a speaker at all ,but God filled me with the ability to share words that women needed . I could have never done that myself. EVER ! God has consistently shown me that I am weak on my own, but through Him I have the strength to do anything ! After I spoke, I was a little numb, I couldn't remember a word I said and I didn't use any of my notes that I literally took months to prepare and while at first I thought well what a waste of time that was I then realized that those months that I was praying constantly for the courage and strength to share my deepest thoughts were actually months of being intimate with God while he prepared me for that breakout session. He already knew I wouldn't use those notes ! in fact, He already knew what I was going to say before I did!!!
            Right before I spoke I closed my eyes and said God I am NO ONE, I am NOT worthy to do this, but YOU are , If I can just hit close to what ONE woman in this room is feeling then maybe I'm not completely hopeless!  I NEVER realized how many woman felt the same way I did ! and it breaks my heart ! I wouldn't wish that pain on any one! A hole inside that grows bigger and bigger every day while on the outside you are the happiest person around. I can remember people saying "You are such a happy person, your always smiling." When inside I was screaming "SHUT UP! You have No! idea" I thought today that I would share a little of this with the blog world. If you are feeling any of this or just need someone to talk to or pray with you please contact me through facebook or twitter. You are not alone ! You don't have to hide behind your big smile any more . God has a plan for you. Your life is purposed for something bigger than depression or anxiety or loneliness. Its probably a gift that's been there all along, but you have to break through your thoughts that Satan uses to hold you hostage and allow God to begin to show you your value, your purpose , your voice !  Here is some of my story ....

                          " A  little more than a year ago I was at the lowest point of my life. I had fallen into a large slimy pool of sin and couldn't seem to find my way to the top! I was drowning in loneliness and didn't think I could be helped.A few years prior to that I entered the clubbing seen . I spent many weekends spending lots of money on alcohol at what ever night club our friends were going to that night but eventually even the hours of dancing and drinking to get drunk every weekend wasn't enough! I needed more! I had already went through the whole Jesus come into my heart process as a child, but at this point I felt not even Jesus could help! I was done with rules and being told what to do. Paul and I were fighting constantly and deep inside I was falling apart. Honestly I was looking for a way out. My girls were starting to question me about drinking when I thought I had done an amazing job of keeping it from them! So as with everything else even my thoughts of being a good mom were deteriorating. I was done. I just didn't know how to be what everyone wanted of me anymore.
              I had made the decision that I was going to give church another try. I had failed at that too  Many Many times , I was a  "Church Hopper" sad huh? but if the shoe fits right ? After a few weeks of sitting in a pew trying to figure out what the heck I was doing there ,  I was truly desperate ! I began to cry out to God!!! I had never been more lost and alone than I was right then and I needed this huge hole in my heart to be patched before I did something crazy or unspeakable. I guess you could say this was my last ditch effort at trying to fit the pieces of my life back together.
            If your reading this right now and your asking why the heck is she sharing such personal information? this is why! I have never been any good at speaking publicly , just isn't my thing. I get tongue tied just having a one on one conversation. But if there is one thing I've learned over the past year , despite what people want you to know, there are a lot of screwed up people in the world. I was very much one of them, but like many people out there maybe even some that are reading this right now; I was really good at hiding what was going on inside my heart. In fact, I had become so good that I could go out on Saturday night and wake up Sunday morning , fill myself full of ibuprofen and show up on time for church and attend the entire service pretending to be the happiest person there! sound familiar to anyone?"



"For I can do everything through Christ,who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13 ''

Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."

Lots of Love,
Heidi

God has a plan for us ,He has prepared ! Have we?

        
    As I sat in the dark quiet room watching his chest rise and fall and then after what seemed like eternity rise again, I started to think about how precious life was. I started to anticipate when his would be over. I knew it would be a matter of hours, minutes, maybe even seconds, but we never know when until it happens. In between breaths I let my mind wander a little bit back to when I was pregnant with ashley 12 years ago.I was reminded of the similarities between bringing in a new life and saying goodbye to a completed one. I remember looking at the wall  clock every few seconds in anticipation of his last breath. Morbid you say ! Yes totally I kept thinking what is wrong with me !  but as I sat there I couldn't help but compare the similarities. I thought about celebrating the birth of my baby daughter 12 years ago this week  as I was reminded of the anxieties and anticipations that led up to her birth.

             My due date had been changed 3 times with Ashley. Each time adding more time to what already seemed like the longest pregnancy known to man as far as I was concerned. 7 months of being medicated daily for severe morning sickness than spending hours in the hospital on my birthday and then 3 weeks of home healthcare and IV's due to dehydration. So needless to say on that final due to date the anticipation was so high ! I was ready for this baby to breath real air ! I remember when the contractions started I laid on the couch and watch the clock ,praying for the moment when I could say lets go! Much like watching the clock tick on and wonder what second would be his last? I watched his wife lay sleeping across the room and I asked myself is she ready? Does she know this is it? For weeks his breathing had been up and down .For weeks we would say this is it? Was tonight his final due date ??? Had God changed his due date to help prepare his wife a little more. 60 years of marriage , friendship, love . Was she prepared ???

            My first pregnancy was totally different. Being told I had toxemia and would have the child within hours brought a different kind of anxiety . Was I ready? Were we prepared? I wasn't given the time to anticipate and watch the clock . In fact I wasn't ready for her just yet. just a few more days I thought as I lay in that bed while nurses worked nonstop to get my labor started. Couldnt they just give me something to lower my blood pressure? what if the baby wasn't ready? I mean after all I had no pain, no contractions Haley was content in her Mother's womb and I was content having her in there.

        Tick Tock Tick Tock brought me back to reality again and I held my breath as I waited on him to take another. How long had it been ? was he going to? suddenly I began to realize wow God is really big. He has the power to give us our first breath and take our last ! Obviously I already knew that but to really stop and take it in was overwhelming ! I started to think back to the birth of my first daughter how quickly it all happened and how I didn't have time to prepare myself for it. Wow it was needless to say a sudden change of life. How similar that birth was to many life changing death experiences. Car wrecks, homicides, accidents, I mean in the blink of an eye a life or lives are over and they didn't have time to prepare.Whoah I never thought of it that way. Were they ready?? Were their families prepared?? More than likely not ! Again my eyes were opened to how big God is! Why do we take so lightly our relationship with the One who holds our lives in His hands???

            For months now I have been reading God's word and taking in all that Jesus done for us. And as I serve him through Revolution Church and Unbound Ministry I see the changes take place in people around me. It has been easy to get caught up in the busy schedules and some days I forget to read my devotion or I wont read my bible one day and think its ok I'm at the church today I'm serving so its ok right?? Well my answer came clear to me last night . Although some births and deaths are slower and we have time to plan to anticipate them ..... there are also those that come quickly! No time to think to prepare , but God has given us the tools we need to be ready!! His word offers the answer to the hardest questions in life. And as we read and take in His word our relationship with Him will grow and we will begin to anticipate the moment that we will get to be with Him. You see we can be prepared ! In fact  God wants us to be. So often we think we can grow in our walk with Christ by praying and being with other Christ followers and those things are important and are huge,but I believe that reading and understanding Gods word is the key to truly being prepared to spend eternity with Him. I kindof got a little sad thinking about this because so many people do not even own a bible and if they do how many open it at all much less on a regular basis . How Can people ever be prepared if their life is one of those God planned to end suddenly. And then I realized that is what Serving is all about. The oppritunity to help people understand the importance of being prepared. And it became suddenly clear and overwhelming! We have a lot of work to do,and  I was looking through the Bible for answers this morning and I found so many ! way more than I was even looking for . Its all there !! God has gifted us His word just as He gifted us our life. They are His gifts to us but the true reward comes if we use the gifts the way they were meant for us to use!!   I love what  2 Timothy 3:16-17 says  ":All Scripure is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work."

Timothy 2:24-25  :" A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone ,be able to teach and be patient with difficult people. Gently instruct those who oppose the truth.Perhaps God will change those people's hearts and they will learn the truth."

Protective instincts of a Mama Tiger !

          A few days ago I was watching a show on TV about a man that follows Mother Tigers and their young.He watches closely how she carefully cleans and nurtures them and when she leaves them to hunt for food, he will go into her den and check on the young. One thing that really caught my interest in the show was when he didn't get out fast enough or if he got to close when the mother was playing with her cubs, the mama tiger's behavior drastically changed, I could feel myself inching up closer to the TV and I was drawn to the way her body language expressed "don't you even think about coming close to my baby." Her calm compassionate look in her eyes was quickly changing to defensive ,cold almost an evil glare right into the camera.In a matter of seconds the chill ,relaxing ,calm tiger turned fierce and ready to attack ,to even kill if she had to. As I sat there and watched this I became suddenly aware of my own behavior, for quite sometime my 13 year old had been experiencing problems at school and as the problem became more frequent and eventually became downright unacceptable. So as I watched that tiger change right before my eyes I suddenly began to realize how much alike we were. I new in my mind that I wanted to attack the source of Haley's hurt . She was my baby and I felt her safety was being violated. I no longer felt in control of her well being while she was in the school's care and that frightened me . But I also knew that my behavior would determine how I was seen by that source. Did I want to be seen as the angry, revenge seeking mother that would destroy anything in my path to get to this source or Did I want to be the calm ,but serious mother that wanted to handle the problem the right and just way. After all my 11 year old still has a couple years left at this school and I didnt want my behavior leaving a sour taste in the adminstrations mouth when our name came up. So for several days I prayed for God to be in control over this, I wanted his guidance and understanding. I wanted to know how to handle this situation in a manner that would not only would keep the Sparrow name from being tarnished at the school, but I wanted my love for Jesus and people to be shown through this experience even though it was a bad one. I think the way we interact with people in bad situations will leave more of an impact if we are loving ,concerned, and respectful rather than being irradatic and mean. But  lets face it as all mother's know when it comes to our children God eqiupped us with a defensive mechanism that is like no other , our priorities change quickly when we sense danger around our babies! The bad part is Satan knows this too , and if we are not careful he can twist our way of thinking to really cause us to act irrashionally . This almost happened to me yesterday , when the situation finally came to a head, which I knew would and I lost it! I was so enraged that I know my usual calm, collective demeanor changed and I probably looked the same as the tiger when she sensed her cubs being in danger , to the school adminstration. Thankfully before the situation became out of control God reminded me that the adminstrators were not the source and they were there to help, so I was able to contain my rage and return to a calm and mature state and talk with them about the situation. Although I did not feel as though the probleme was handled yesterday I still left it in the adminstrations hands and had to believe it would be handled promptly and correctly. But that still left an opening for Satan to get in my mind and remind me that this problem  should have been taken care of by now and why should I have to wait for responses. I spent most of the evening feeling upset and frustrated instead of feeling confident about the matter.Even this morning I was still grasping for some kind of answers I called friends and family looking for advice , but the funny thing is I dont really know what I wanted to hear . I think my "Tigeress" instinct wanted refenge ,blood for what the source had put my daughter through. I didnt want to be satisfied with "Its being handled" . How was I suppose to know what was being said to and about my child when I wasn't there. After it became clear to me that friends and family phone calls weren't really giving me the comfort that I needed I began again to pray about this . Honestly I dont even know exactly what I was asking God for ,I just wanted to feel peace for Haley.I didnt want her to be brought down by this source any more. At this point I didn't even care if they were punished for what they did I just wanted peace for her. Strangely enough by the time I reached the school for Ashley's BETA club induction ,I was feeling a little better and was even able to relax during the ceremony. Afterwards when I asked to speak with administration and we started to talk I began to really feel a comfort come over me. Just 24 hours earlier I wanted blood ,I wanted to fight But today by the time I left the school  I realized that no harsh words were said, no yelling was done and the conversation ended with a hand shake and a smile it occured to me that even though the situation still was far from over probably, I was at peace. I was confident that the administration was taking care of things and I had a newly  restored  trust that my children were in good hands. Now as I look back on the situation I can smile because as part of growing relationship with God I was able to experience first hand what real peace feels like. I could feel the difference when I gave him control of the situation. I truly feel that because of my actions and  the power of  listening and allowing my words to be possitive and having complete composure not only did things remain calm but I feel it restored hope in the adminstration. I can't imagine how many times the exact same situations have gone extremly bad for the school system . I have seen and heard first hand how parents have became violent with teachers and staff and have used words that are to extreme to even be called "potty words" and too many times in this world parents are even encouraged to behave this way. Had I allowed Satan to twist and play in my mind much longer this could've easily happened. It makes not only the need for Jesus in my life amazingly clear but also the need for me to share Him . I hope that my actions today did just that ! I thank God that my protective instinct can compare to such a strong beautiful animal ,but I also Thank Him that through Him we can control that instinct to know when and how to use our protective aggression and that even in bad situations we can still bring Him the honor and the glory.

Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ Isaiah 41:10

Sometimes it takes really understanding the story of being in the" belly of a whale" before you realize that you are living in the "belly of a whale" !

           Do you remember really being good at something when you were younger? I mean really being talented or even gifted at something.And now sometimes wonder what happened to it? Whether it was a sport or dancing or as in my case singing. Were you told over and over that you were gonna be big , that you were amazing at it,that you were going to go places? Do you sometimes look back and say why would people tell me something that wasn't true or did you wonder what you could have done differently to make it happen? I have spent over half of my adult life wondering the same thing, asking the same questions. A few years ago I even tried to go get it back. I heard people say oh Heidi's having a mid life crisis ,she has a wild hair she'll get over it.But in  my mind at that time I was going to get back what was rightfully mine. My train of thought was God gave me a gift and he's going to take it away if I dont use it. What I had not realized at that point was ,it was never mine in the first place. It was a hard lesson for me to learn. I went to 3 states chasing a DREAM that wasn't even mine to start with and when I still was getting rejected time after time I got MAD at God !! I can remember coming home from Nashville,TN after being rejected at The Nashville Star auditions trying not to cry in front of my Mom and my daughter because I didnt want Haley to know how I felt in that moment. Like a failure ! Like God was not being fair to me ! Like why when I was now ready to use my gift He kept letting me get turned down !! I was so humiliated . A few months later I spent the last $200 in our checking account to record a 2 song demo so that I could enter The Christian Artist talent search and this time I was thinking God I am singing your music now I am doing this for you, Let me get famous now. And that time I wasn't rejected per say but the talent search was canceled after funds were cut ! Wow how ironic I thought after all these years they decided to cancel it the year I entered. Poor Poor me! You see my point is Every time I was rejected, instead of thanking God for giving me a talent and asking Him how could I use it for Him I questioned Him for not letting me be promoted with it.I blamed Him that I was still just me and not the big star that I had been told my entire child hood that I was going to be.Honestly thinking about it now I as write I can't believe that God even allows me to have a voice at all.
       Several months ago my relationship with God turned full circle.I began to see Him for who He was. he started to be real in my life and He wasn't just this miraclous being that I was tought as a child to believe in. I began to understand why he sent Jesus to the world and it all made sense to me for really the first time in my life. And at that time I began to get angry at myself . I was so ashamed of what I had been doing all this time. And I started having all these memories of my childhood resurface. All the many times I sang in church and someone cried or someone raised their hands to Jesus because the song I was singing touched them. At the time as a child I didnt understand what this all meant and as I grew older I began to take credit for theses instances. I never even thought that God was using me to reach people. Day after day I would at some point remember a clear instance that something like this happened and every day I became more and more angry at myself. During this time the church I was attending had a choir and I joined it. When the pastor of that church visited my parents my Dad gave him the copy of the demo That I had given him. Even after all I had done my Dad still believed in me. After only a few weeks of visiting that church I began to sing solos and again people began to take notice but this time it was somehow different. You see I had developed so much anger at myself that I had lost interest in singing. I felt as though I didn't deserve to sing for Jesus. I even felt as though I did a few years earlier only this time I told myself that because I had not used my Gift for God that He had taken it.I couldn've been more wrong. So many things would soon begin to change in my life that would show me just how wrong I was.
          You see all these years I have been focused on myself. I have been rolling in my own self pity about what I did wrong or right or how I could change this or that. I didn't even stop and think that not only was I not serving and being obedient but my children had not been active in church and right before my eyes God was working in my daughters lives full force. I believe more than ever that God has a perfectly laid out plan for each of us and  whether we are obedient or if we choose the long road either way God is right there. He is with us and His plans have not changed.when Haley accepted Christ and began to follow Him. I have to admit I thought she was being weird. She wanted what I thought was funky jewerly and tshirts with what I thought were weird Church names on them. I was very confused, but when I would go into her room and see her studying her bible and see her praying to Jesus like she was talking to a friend I was amazed. I mean I was still trying to get a grip on what I was learning every day about God . I knew He was different than the way I was taught to understand Him, but this was almost too much.I know this seems to be long and drawn out and not really going anywhere but I really have this on my heart and need to get it out so that I can move on to what God has next for me. After all this is a blog about learning to grow in Jesus and this I believe is part of it.I went to Elevation church with Haley and her youth leaders (at the time). I was stunned. First of all I could wear jeans and noone cared . (That was awesome) The music was so loud I thought my head was going to bust , and the type of music which Haley had been listening to for weeks was so different than anything I have ever heard in my life. But the funny thing is ! I Loved It! I mean I felt so at home . I cant even explain it. The message from Pastor Steven was phenomenol . He touched on things that I had never heard a pastor touch on. REAL LIFE SITUATIONS ! Things that many pastors will not talk about ! After that night I was a different person. I mean I had already received Christ years before but I had a renewed freedom that to this day I still cant explain. I no longer even thought about singing. I didnt care about that my gift had been taken away! I only wanted to make Jesus happy ! I wanted to show Gods love through doing whatever I needed to do I didnt care what!!! But again I wasn't completely right! You see Satan knows how I felt deep inside about singing. he knew that no matter how hard I tried I would always feel like I had let God down and myself for that matter and when I least expected it those feelings would slowly creep back in .
           Not long after we attended Elevation. The youth paster announced he was leaving his current position to plant a church.I watched that day as my daughters heart fell . She had the most sad look on her face I had ever seen in my life. I know in her mind she was thinking my Mom is happy she is where she feels she should be, but what she didnt realize is I wasn't.I only joined the church for my girls I was still dealing with anger and regret and even some depression. I mean afterall I ruined the plan that God had for my life.After alot of prayer and thought I decided to leave the church. I wanted to see what would happen if I attended a few other places and I wanted to see if God was even still with me. As I began to go from church to church with other people I started to kind of feel at home. as crazy as that may sound it wasn't the churches that made me feel that way it was the people that I attended with. We began to meet together and soon we became a launch team for Revolution Church.As happy as I was to be apart of this I was still very much battling Satan and my anger with myself. You see it wasn't long before all this had taken place that I thought God had taken my gift that he had given me as a child away from me. Satan at this time was having the time of his life with all my insecurities , my home problems that I tried to cover with a smile ,and most of all my sadness from not singing! I know this is alot to take in but again this is important for me to get this out and maybe someone reading this may be dealing with similar circumstances. for along time I have convinced myself not to tell my story. I was embarrased and very much ashamed of trying to steal God's glory. What truly amazes me is how all this ties together. You have to realize that this is not something that I have figured out and have moved past. This is real and is happening right now and every day I have to rearm myself with God's armour of Truth and Love and Hope to defend against Satan and this world. A few weeks ago my pastor started us on a journey through Jonah. At first I thought this was going to be cheesy and time wasting (sorry Richard) but I had heard the story as a kid . Jonah disobeyed God and got thrown overboard and a big ol whale swallowed him up and yadda yadda yadda! What in the world could he teach us about Jonah that we didnt learn when we were 5!! ALOT ! ALOT ! and ALOT! you see Jonah wasnt just some man . He was a prophet ! God didnt play any many miney moe and point at Jonah and say oh well your it ! He carefully chose Jonah for the task of going to Ninevah ! and when Jonah fled to another country God didnt say "peace out Jonah " I'll pick some one else . he chose Jonah ! It was His plan all along for Jonah to warn Ninevah ! God invested in Jonah ! Just like God invest in us ! he doesn't give up on us just because we give up on ourselves and flee by not being obedient and not using His gifts that he allows us to have to share His love with other people. You see this is why I went way off the subject to bring you to this point . Although I tried to ignore Gods plan for my life and I went the wrong road. He uses the resources he needs to get us back on track.(Just like the whale). I have learned that he needed me to be stripped from the rule following, hymn singing Christian that I was .(Not that those are bad things at all there not ) That just wasn't his plan for me and if I would have listened a long time ago I would have already learned that. He needed me to recognize that my gifts and dreams weren't mine to abuse and neglect. He needed me to understand that he's not punishing me by me not being this famous singer in Nashville. He needs me here . He needs the gifts that He allowed me to use to be used here. He has tought me that He has been patient with me and now I need to be quiet and listen to Him.   It has been through being a part of planting a church and sharing in the vision of changing a city that I have been able to come to terms with what Gods' plans for my life are. I know that this is not going to be easy as Satan has already thrown obstacles my way that have almost caused me to lose sight of this vision. Obstacles inside my own home and life, but God clearly is with me and constantly reminding me to "Love Him, Love People" which is part of our core values at Revolution church. You see His love is amazing and I am a constant work in progress. Sometimes I even wonder if God gets really worn out on hard heads like me :). A few weeks ago I blogged on singing in the car.Although it may have been funny and I know I probably look silly I truly believe its part of this process. I won't sing publically again until I know that God is in control of it fully. I am constantly learning new material and learning to sing songs that I believe one day God will use to pack a powerful punch to someones heart. I dont know when that day will be but in the meantime I am listening and learning. Its very important I have learned to not take advantage of your gift that God has given you. No matter what it may be , speaking, writing , singing , even playing a sport. With our Wednesday block parties at Revolution church athletic talent is certainly needed. Each God given talent and gift has a purpose , dont try and run from it . God invested in you , and the" belly of a whale" is not a fun place to be . You feel lonely , deserted , and worthless. Let God develop your talent or gift. thats where I am right now. I am allowing Him to develop it so when He's ready and its the right time. It will be used for His glory ,it will show His Love and when it touches someone even if its only one person they will be able to take what they learn and continue to share God's love. 1 Peter 4:10 : "As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace:"   

 

Too Blessed to be Stressed! Ha ! Really we are :)

  OK I am going to keep this short and sweet today . Well atleast attempt to :) ! I always feel as though my blogs are serious and sad and when God laid something funny on my heart this morning I just couldn't wait to share it. Ok so my devotion this morning from Proverbs 31 ministries was about the "tight places" in our lives that we are good at hiding but on the inside just wanting to pull our own hair out! I could totally relate to that ! I feel that way about a million times a day as well as many women out there. Especially those with marriages,children, &/or crazy schedules. But anyway the verse they talked about was: "Psalm 4:1 (NIV) "
"Answer me when I call to you,O my righteous God.Give me releif from my distress;be merciful to me and hear my prayer."
Ok now how many times have we said that ? Really "God please send me some relief" . Honestly I lost count a long time ago!! But what I have learned over the past few months is this.When I call out to God I feel as though he releives that stress by giving me something to do that calms me. Especially in the car ! Ha! My stress releiver in the car in singing ! I have this huge case of cds (mostly southern gospel,but I am working on building my collection with some newer stuff). And usually in the car is where all my thoughts consume me at once. I guess I have time to think while I am driving and I just get so consumed . sometimes its so bad that I dont even remember getting from one place to the next because I have so much on my mind. The girls schedules,my schedule, laundry, cleaning , pictures to edit, I mean the list goes on and on much like most women out there. But sometimes out of NOWHERE I get this thought SING!!! Now let me just say my girls hate it when this happens HAHA ! (which is some of the reason my collection is changing ) :) so I throw in a cd and just sing to the tops of my lungs . And its usually something that goes along with how I am feeling,but Always no matter how many times I sing a song I learn something differently from it. Its crazy but I love it . I used to get a little embarrased if I am at a stop light and look over just to realize that someone in the car next to me is staring at me and probably thinking those poor little girls having to ride in that car with that crazy woman. But now I really dont pay it much attention I just keep on singing. In fact sometimes I just roll my window down. who knows if God puts a song in my heart that helps me it may also help the person in the car next to me. I guess what my point to all this is this. you know the old saying "Too Blessed to be Stressed" sure ya do it used to be on every t-shirt and bumper sticker you see . Ha ! well the fact is its true. We are!  I know that knowing that doesn't keep us from feeling overwhelmed,stressed out ,and in a "tight place", but knowing when to call out and say Ok God I really need some relief now before you lose your mind, or your temper, or let yourself develop major road rage when it really isn't the other cars fault. Instead listen to God if he lays something on your heart that may seem extremely silly to you at first ,its probably not ,not only will it releive your stress ,but it may also allow you to bring Glory to Him! You never know what the person in the car next to you is going through or the person in line in front of you at the grocery store.What you do with what He gives you could totally change someone elses life. You never know how your smallest or silliest little action to releive your own stress could be doing to help someone. He has all the tools we need to be less stressed . All we have to do is ask for them ! You may not feel an  instant lift of stress off your shoulders ,but he will fill us full of song or laughter,or something to let you know he is there and everything is OK !!! :)  I hope you all have a Great day !

Relationships come and go

        I remember when I was a little girl and I used to get so upset when something I was really counting on fell through. I remember my mom used to say "Heidi its not the end of the world. God has a plan for everything and his plan is not always the same as ours." I didnt understand it then and although I know its true even now sometimes I still dont always understand it. I mean lets take friendships for example , if you have spent years with a person and knew their innermost secrets and they knew yours how can your relationship just fall apart so easily sometimes over the most silliest reasons and sometimes you dont even kow why.Well part of me wants to say why? God why would you allow someone that I love so much to just leave or turn their back ? and why would you want me to feel so sad and heartbroken ? But my heart knows different,my heart know that in order to truly follow God I have trust Him and let go of a relationship that could possibly allow me to slip back into the trend that got me away from Him in the first place.Believe me  that is not an easy pill to swallow. These days true friends are almost impossible to find. Trusting people that you love is not as easy to do anymore. There are so many obstacles these days that Satan uses to tempt with especially in our relationships. I mean besides friends becoming enemies look at the adultry and divorce rate, the murder and suicide rate . I mean relationships are being attacked every second of every day.Best friends, Marriages, even parents and their children are turning their backs on each other, siblings that haven't spoken in years and most of them cant remember why they stopped talking in the first place.Social sites have become Satans new weapon. Just yesterday a really close friend deleted me off facebook and I couldn't even begin to tell you why. We get so caught up in society and gossip . Hey yall its been around for ever but now its a click away to spread bad word about someone like a raging wild fire. I read a verse this morning that really captured me although it may not seem to reflect what I am talking about , Paul tells us in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-22 to "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." broken relationships can bring us down physically and emotionally but there is ONE that is always there. Our relationship with Jesus. You know through my sadness over the past day .I searched my mind and heart for what i could have possibly done wrong and what could I do to change the situation. In desperate attempts for an answer I called my friend only to get her voice mail and must have sent her 3 or 4 texts messages only not to get a response. In my overwhelming sadness I didn't know what else to do short of getting in my car and driving to her house,but before I got into my car I just sat down on my swing in tears and began to pray. And Jesus began to show me that even in my prayer I was being selfish. I was asking what did I do wrong,what did I do to deserve this, what was I going to do. So as my mind began to focus a little and my heart softened a little more. I began to pray for my friend, that whatever she was dealing with in her life that God would just guide her through it and that He would also soften her heart and in that moment Jesus showed me that HE was the ONLY person who really knew my innermost secrets, He was the one who could ease my pain in a bad situation and He would always be there. In all of my pain I learned that I was being very selfish and I can't grow in my relationship with Jesus by thinking about me all the time . This was very eye opening to me. How can I spread the love of Jesus to others who are so blinded by their own pain and struggles when I am thinking about me and how I feel and not truly lifting up their pain and needs . And that brings me to this: Facebook can also be used to share Gods love not just all the evil and gossiping . A friend posted this verse this morning :
‎2 Corinthians 4:8-10 : We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.Wow ! You see Jesus showed me that he is here . His relationship will never fail and if we would all allow him to be a part of our relationships then I TRULY BELIEVE with all my heart that our relationships with each other would not be nearly as difficult . I am not saying that friendships will not come and go . God will always close some doors in order to open others ,but if we are true to Jesus and true to ourselves then being A true friend will come a little easier ! Love you all Have a happy Easter !

Afraid Yes a little,but I am blogging any way ! HA ! in your face Satan

Ok this is totally CRAZY ! I have been working on a blog post since yesterday and I just deleted it. Ok now thats not the crazy part I actually do that alot . The crazy part is that I deleted it for a different reason than normal. I usually spill my entire heart out on the blog site and then before my nerve gets up to hit post I delete it . Only a few times have I actually gone through with the ever so dreaded post button. Why do I do this you ask? one word,    FEAR !!! I am afraid of what people think about me ,about what I write and I am afraid that people will think I am down right CRAZY ! Nothing but FEAR ! You know I think as women we are all our own worst critic about everything we do. Especially the way we dress, what size we are ,how we raise our children, even how we shop and clean . The basics of everything we do we are always questioning ourselves and let me just say I am the worst. I am always so afraid of giving someone the wrong impression of me that I usually end up doing that anyway because I am too afraid of just being who God created me to be.I may have blogged on this before ,me trying to show everyone that I have it together but inside I am falling apart . Well guess what I learned today and I think I knew it all along I was just afraid to face my fears about it. Without completely copying one of my devotions from this morning  let me tell you a little about what I am talking about. This devotion could have easily had my name on it . In fact,as I was reading I kept thinking man this girl really knows me she is talking directly to me ! No, I know she wasn't but God was . You see he knows our deepest issues and fears even when we are not strong enough to face them ourselves. He knows when we need to hear or see something that directly targets our inner most hidden fears. Ok so heres an example I am addicted to buying workout videos off those tv commercials that tell me I am going to be in the best shape of my life in just 30 days . YES!!!!!!  I love to hear that but heres the kicker. When you buy those things you know in order to be in the best shape of your life first of all you actually have to do the entire workout like everyday ! and that doesn't include sitting on the couch and jumping up on the easy parts(GUILTY I AM) and second of all in reality how many of us even if we did do it everyday are actually going to be in the best shape ever in only 30 days. I mean don't get me wrong exercise is awesome I have been doing it 6 days a week for 3 months now , but I am far from being in the best shape of my life. You see Satan uses fear the same way ! "Satan specializes in false advertising" "He's ultimate at making fears look real even when they are not." Its totally ok to have some fears , they protect us, like being afraid of crossing a busy street,being afraid of falling off a cliff if your standing too close. those are justifiable fears . This is my favorite quote from my devotion listen carefully " SATAN"S FALSE ADVERTISEMENT CAN CHOKE OUR FAITH AND FUEL OUR FEARS."  How often have we let that happen. I can't even begin to count.An easy example for me would be every time I hit the delete key on a blog when I am expressing my growth in my relationship with Jesus. I can almost hear Satan's evil laugh every time I touch that delete key. And how often have you wanted to go up to a stranger that you can tell is hurting but you don't because your afraid of what they might say to you or afraid of having your feelings hurt or even just afraid that they might actually need something from you that you don't have time or are not willing to give.These are all ways that Satan uses FEAR to keep us from doing God's work . Now I dont want you to start feeling guilt or anxiety because you start thinking about times he has used fear against you ,believe me I did . My head was flooded with memories and mostly all bad ones, but heres the thing this started in the Garden of Eden. Satan is a master at this because hes been doing it since the beginning . FEAR started with Adam and Eve as soon as Satan twisted God's words around to get Eve to eat the forbidden fruit and then she gave it to Adam they began to experience fear and their lives changed .Satan convinced Adam and Eve that they didn't really need God they would be self-suffcient in every way . Ok here's the question how many times have we believed Satan on that aspect. How many times have we thought we could handle our own situations ? Again I can't even count them all !Here is the really cool reality of it all God never meant for us to be in control! We are his children ! He wants us to look to him for guidance and understanding and when we're afraid what more comforting place to be than in his presence ,in his arms . Relying on his guidance and his comfort. The truth is Satan wants us to fail he wants us to be afraid . The crazy thing is I could never blog on my own anyway ! The ideas and thoughts that I get I can't just think those up ! They must come from Jesus ! So heres my challenge to my self and anyone who may read this blog ! The next time you experience an overwhelming fear about something . Stop what your doing and pray for God just to hold you and protect you . Don't give Satan the satisfaction of watching you fail at something that could ultimitaly bring Glory to God . Don't let him rule your feelings about yourself or others. If you feel like your CRAZY its ok I feel that way alot ! everyday actually! Ha Ha ! Heres one of my new favorite verses:
 ~ "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity,but a spirit of power,of love,and self-disipline." 2 Timothy 1:7 ~
Ok so I am  about to conquer Satan and face one of my greatest fears and hit the post button ! just remember God doesn't expect us to be perfect in everything we do . We're not suppose to be ! He loves us for just who we are ! I hope you all have an AWESOME week :)

How Full is your Plate ?

            Have you ever tried so hard to be someone your not to try and meet the needs of what you think people's expectations of you are? At times do you go out of your way to prove that you are organized and have it all together when in reality your are completely the opposite? why do you think that as women we try so hard to be someone we aren't? I ask myself these questions daily. I seem to get myself into situations that I have no busisness being in because I try to come across as this "on top of things" individual when truly I haven't a clue most of the time. There are days when my plate is so full that I have actually prayed that God would give me a few more hours in that day. That is crazy but its true, and what it boils down to is that so many women ,myself included do not or cannot use the word NO when it comes to taking on extra responsibilites for other people. Don't get me wrong I dont have a problem saying NO to my kids or my husband and if you think about it how may times have you been saying NO to God when you skip your Bible reading time because you have so many other things going on.You know I have actually made the excuse I am serving God by helping others so its not nessacery for me to do my devotion today. Heres the thing though, we are only hurting ourselves. First of all overwhelming stress occurs when your week is slam full and that does not include cleaning, laundry , or grocery shopping. I want to make myself very clear when I say that I am not saying you should say No to everyone, but there are days when you have to realign your priorities and make sure God is first and centered . Finding strength in Christ is a very important part of my day. On the days I dont have what I like to call "my Jesus time" I feel lost and even lonely. Philippians 4:13 says " I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."  Another priority up at the top is Family. I cant tell you how many times a day one of my girls are trying to tell me something and I say ok honey one second, or just go in your room for a few minutes I'll be there when I can. It happens every single day and you know what every single day they are growing older and older and if I lose that communication with them now they are eventually going to stop coming to me and I never want that to happen. I know this sounds like a big ole lecture and in some ways it is, to myself. you see, over the past few weeks I have been dealing with MAJOR headaches. I took every over the counter remedy I could find. The other night I started having dizzy spells as well and just before I was about the call the dr it occured to me to check my blood pressure. it was outrageous!!!! I think my bottom(diastolic) number was like 104 ! In that moment I knew things had to change. I knew I had been under tons of stress lately . So much is going on in my life right now. Not all bad stuff most of it very good but it is alot . So I immediatley hit my knees and prayed . I prayed for so many things that night but I prayed for  my health and for me to change the order in which I had my priorities and that is why I decided to blog on this subject. There are women in my life right now that their "daily plates" make mine look like a "saucer" and I just want to send them a message that it is ok to slow down , take a deep breath and repriortize . Proverbs 14:1 says" The wise woman builds her house ,but the foolish tears it down with her own hands."    I think even as Christian women we can get so caught up in trying to be involved in everything around us that we tend to forget or postpone the most important things. and we feel that if we say no we might compromise a relationship or we may hurt someones feelings , but there comes a time that when "family Night" no longer exist because you needed to do something else one night and it turned into weeks and weeks and eventually family night is something you used to do. I am so guilty of this !!! We get so caught up in the moment of our lives that we lose sight of the truly important things !! I think it has to be something that we do daily we sit down and pray about our day or our week that God will give us the knowledge to make the right decisions about who or what we have to say no to .I think once a schedule is in place that truly puts our priorities in order then we will truly find Peace within ourselves about our daily lives.  ~ Heidi ~

An Hour Early

    I recently cut my hours back at work so that I am only there 2 days a week.,but on those days i have to wake up at 4:30am in order to be at work to open at 6 am. The other days i can sleep until 5:30 (which feels really good I must say).This week however has been really hard on me emotionally. It really hasn't been horrible but  I have a lot on my mind and being a woman we tend to carry things around with us that may be nothing to someone else but is HUGE to us! Everyday I pray to God and give things to him but I guess I just have a problem really letting go and completely Trusting in him. I think we has women tend to have control issues and sadly even with God I know for me I want to hold on a little bit in fear of losing complete control and believe me I pray about this constantly. I want to allow God complete control of my life.So usually when the clock starts screaming at me at 4:30 I moan and whine about having to get up so early and how its not fair and how I am oh so tired and I really need my sleep and on the days I get to sleep until 5:30 being the selfish creature I am I go through the same whining exercise. Its really rather selfish of me now that I think about it.Today was different though. Let me start from yesterday. I had to work so i got up at 4:30 started my day in a rather bad mood ! I missed so many oppritunities at work to share Gods Love with people because I was soo wrapped up in the fact that I was tired because I had to get up to early and it wasn't fair and honestly I carried this all through my day.God threw little reminders at me all day that would bring me back to the reality that people needed prayer and Love worse than I did but I continued to cry and moan about "MY" problems . Last night we had our "made to Crave" small group and as I listened to the video and listened to the other women in my group talk about their week and other feelings I slowly began to realize that we all have our own struggles and difficulties and "BAD DAYS" and I began to share things with my small group that I never really wanted anyone to know and I prayed out and called out to God on my way home declaring my love and Thanking him for that group of ladies and asking him to make tomorrow all about him!
            This morning I didn't have to get up until 5:30 but at 4:30 on the dot I was wide awake. Now I have to be honest normally I would be so mad ! "What I stll have an hour to sleep grrr." but today was different. I felt so at PEACE . I felt like God was speaking to me . I thought I am up an hour early ! This is NO accident you see what we sometimes think is a freaky act of nature is God's perfect timing.He gave me an extra hour to soak in His presence and His love.I started to read in Romans and Romans 15:13 says this: "Now may the God of hope fill you with all the joy and peace in believing,so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." I really love this. I think that sometimes if we just stop  and listen to the signs and sounds around us He will speak .  I have to be honest I am always praying and asking him to show me Lord speak to me Lord and I think He has I think I just havent been still long enough to listen. This morning I heard him clearly when he said I Love you I need to spend time with you so wake up an hour early!

Struggling !! Why?

        I have been struggling over the past few days over how to write about personal difficult struggles without compromising personal situations, and this morning I woke up with an amazing new insight on my life and my abilities. It was like a breath of fresh air. It is truly amazing how clearly  God will speak to you when you clear out all the other noise in your head. We completed a Life Group last night called "Redifining Me"that is meant for teen girls but I took so much from it that truly helped me in the way that I pray and the way that live my everyday life. Last night was about dreams and about  clearing out the noise in our lives and being able to hear God clearly to be able to suceed in reaching the dreams that God gives us.After I got home I couldn't stop thinking about the things that we talked about .Little did I know that God had used that time of devotion and sharing with teenage girls and ladies to help me clear out the noise so that I could hear him more clearly.
        For quiet some time now I have been struggling with something that I couldn't understand and I have never been able to completely give it to God. I would say take it Lord but I never fully meant it . I still held onto that struggle and even up until last night while at Holly's for our life group I let this struggle consume me.So that is what I wanted to talk about ,STRUGGLES . Everyone has struggles with something . Whether its their children or their weight ,their job, their spouses,etc..etc..etc..  If we are not careful we can allow our struggles to consume us with Fear , anger, depression . I have honestly gotten to the point where my struggles has caused me to be so depressed that I quit . I quit church,I quit God, I quit everything. I honestly don't know sometimes why God forgave me for using the word I quit at him, but he did and he will you to.
        This morning when I woke up I went straight to scripture. I felt so refreshed even though my struggle has beeen pulling me down and holding me back for so long I had this amzing refreshing feeling like God was saying "Its ok ,You called me your Trusting me ,Let me have it I will show you that you will be ok ". and then I found this :
"Do Not Fear for I am with you; Do not look anxiously about you,for I am your God. I will strengthen you,surely I will help you,surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Ok first of all let me just say WOW ! now let me explain something. Last night at our life group Holly talked about God showing her scripture to help her understand what he had instore for her. My first thought was this. "I have prayed and prayed and prayed about my situation but God has not showed me anything. There is NO answer for my struggle." YES I really thought that , but heres the problem with that. I never gave God the chance to show me. I had sooo much NOISE in my life because of my struggle that I couldn't hear God. So when we prayed together at the end of our session. I just weakly gave it to Him! I humbled myself and just prayed "TAKE IT GOD ,clear the noise and take it . And He did ! Heres's the thing my situation has not gone away but its not mine anymore. I don't have to Fear  or look around anxiously like I have for sooo long worried about what people think or tried to hide my situation. He took it so that I could focus my attention on His will for me . "Now to him that is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think,according to the power that works within us ." Ephesians 3:20
 I believe he has a plan for each of us but we can't hear what he is saying or leading us to do until all the Noise is gone  and we allow him to take our struggles. I want to say a special thank you to all the girls of "Redefining Me ". You ladies are truly refreshing and I can't wait to see how God works through all of you and to Holly for just being an  amazing person. God has given  her an amazing gift of encouragement that has truly inspired me almost every day for months now.I honestly don't know what God has planned for me but I will be ready when He speaks to listen and to be obedient . I pray that if your reading this that you do the same if your struggling with something that has consumed you and you feel you can't hear him . Its probably because you have too much that you are trying to handle on your own. All you have to do is hit your knees and let God have it fully . It WILL make a difference! Let GOD make a difference in YOU today.

Ok God I'll do it !!(Understanding the importance of Obedience)

   I have to say that since my last entry a couple of weeks ago I have tried to blog atleast 10 times. I would sit down in front of the computer and NOTHING would come out! Unfortunetly I know and understand why completely! You see I have felt like God has wanted me to write about certain things that I am not comfortable with and well I have refused to do it. I mean I didn't just say um No God not today I'm not really ready to fully go into detail about that right now. I said flat out No God ! I could start naming hundreds of reasons why I don't want to blog about certain aspects of my life."My husband might read this",or "what will people think of me". I could go on and on but no excuses I just said No. Well needless to say God had other plans. I could not come up with anything to write about NOTTA! I have to tell you the truth atfirst I thought it was hilarious. I was like ok God good sense of humor there make my mind blank I'm still not doing it, but then thngs changed.
    This week I have had the flu. wait a minute I know what your thinking "shes gonna blame getting sick on God ." Nope not at all I blame getting sick on germs and kids . If my girls catch something I know I am going to be next it never fails. It's what happened while I have been sick that have changed things. You see I have been so weak and in pain and really just alone feeling because I have been restricted to my bed by myself and I realized that I was also feeling that way in my heart . You see by being disobedient I was seperating myself from God's will and I just felt so weak and powerless for the first time in a while and even  though I knew God was right there with me I couldn't feel him and I have to tell you that since I have been really following Him that is the lonliest I have felt and I don't ever want to feel that way again,so it was at that moment that I realized I didn't want to ignore him anymore about this blog . I said I will suck it up and write. I just want to be obedient and then I came across this verse
Romans5:19 : "For as by one man's disobedience the many were made sinners,even so through the obedience of the One the many will be made righteous." 
     I started thinking about Jesus and how he didn't have to hang on that cross and suffer at anytime he could've said No Father I will not do this ! But he didn't ! He died to SAVE us ! How many times have we said NO ? I can't even begin to tell you that number for me, hundreds maybe ! So in the next few days I am going to begin to blog about the challenges and struggles that I beleive many women and probably even some men are dealing with. I feel like God is leading me through this and that he is going to be holding my hand every step of the way . One thing I want to say is some things may be controversial and the last thing I want to do is offend people but I am going to write the truth. Some friends of mine turned me on to watching Newspring  Church and Perry Noble on the computer and now I know that was no accident God knew exactly what he was doing.Perry is about the most honest straight forward person you will ever listen to . I am not good at confrontations so I try so hard to make everyone happy . I can't stand the thought of someone being upset with me. so therefore alot of time I hold stuff in and sometimes I think why did I do that this person may have needed to hear that but I dont say anything and I get so upset at myself ! So I have several note books with all these thoughts and wishes and dreams that have never even been given a chance because I have always been afraid of what some one would say or think and now thats all about to change ! I Thank God for the changes that he has made in me and now I am ready to share that with the world! After all God did gift me with this big mouth so i'm gonna use it !! :) Stay Tuned..... Love,Heidi

Psalm 89:1   I will sing of the mercies of the Lord for ever: with my mouth will I make known thy faithfulness to all generations.

Mirror Mirror ....

 Over the past few weeks I have been attending a Life Group with my daughter's called "Redifining Me". It has had an amazing impact on my life as a mother,wife and as a child of God. This week the theme was Mirror Mirror on the wall. When Holly first announced the theme a couple of weeks ago I was HORRIFIED ! My entire life  the mirror has been an enemy of mine . As a young girl I dealt with what I was so commonly called  4-eyes.I had this big bushy hair and huge pink and blue glasses. I hated looking in the mirror. I always used to wonder why my Mom always called me beautiful . I thought she just has to say that.There was nothing beautiful about me I thought.So even beginning to figure out what I was going to say when Wednesday finally got here was stressful to think about. 
     My two favorite fairy Tales have always been SnowWhite and Beauty and the Beast . The ironic thing is they both involve a mirror. Snow White  had the ugly step mother who always seen herself as beautiful in the mirror ,which is the opposite of how I feel looking in the mirror. But Belle always seen suffering in the mirror . THAT WAS ME! I can look in the mirror and go way beyond just my appearance .I can see the pain and suffering that have been imbedded inside me for years.
      Here is the cool part ! On my way to my to the Life group I began to get flooded with all these feelings that were overwhelming me at first until I started praying . I ask God to help me to slow down my thoughts and put them into perspective because I knew that God was answering my prayers in that moment about how to hanmdle the theme that night. The first word that came to my mind was EMPOWERMENT. I thought WOW thats it. God you have EMPOWERED me to overcome not just my insecurities when I look in the mirror but also you have given me the POWER to use to these insecurities to share with these girls tonight that all those years ago it wasn't just my Mom saying that I was Beautiful but she really meant it just like you do! I am your creation your masterpiece your princess.
 Proverbs 31:25" Strength and dignity are her clothing and she smiles at the future." 

Those words are not the description of an ugly woman ! This is the desciption of an EMPOWERED woman.
So heres my challenge for myself and others . Next time you look in the mirror SMILE and take a deep breath to allow the strength that GOD has given us to rise up through us and show through our faces and know that you are BEAUTIFUL because GOD made you that way and he wants you to share that with the World . You can be a world changer. He has made us all different for a reason. So that he can impact the world through us all in different ways. Whether its your Smile ,your personality,your gifts to encourage people. Some one out there will be impacted by you because when they see you they see themselves maybe not as confident or secure . maybe just maybe you can be their MIRROR !

Have a Blessed day! Remember BEAUTIFUL God loves you very much!